if only i could text you this smell
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize