He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
