the condom got lost in my hair
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My pussy is not your playground.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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