My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
