she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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