I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
