i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
