nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
