I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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