you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
