He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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