I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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