Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
