he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize