Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
