party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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