She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
