I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
