pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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