I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
