That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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