Sponge bath it is.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
