So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
