If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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