he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
