there's paper in my vomit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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