Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
