Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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