my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
