If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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