I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
