oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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