I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
