I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize