do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.