He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.