I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.