im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
