i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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