Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
