If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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