I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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