i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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