the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
