Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
