I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
