here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize