4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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