the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
