So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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