He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her facebook's as public as her vagina
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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