OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
