I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
