i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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