I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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