oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
