i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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