Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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