you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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