i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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