i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
