It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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