i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
