hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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